Every night I would stare at my laptop… anticipating thoughts, words, something that would effortlessly run through my fingertips forming a decent entry, still… NADA. I don’t know why I can’t think of even a topic to write. I’ve been pressuring myself to come up with anything, just to be satisfied. I hate how I wouldn’t be able to compose at least a paragraph or two, and this made me feel that I already suck in writing, that I’m not as good as before… but not tonight. Tonight, I’m writing with my heart, something I haven’t done in a long while. Nothing but honesty and truth. It has been ages since the last time I pour on to writing everything that I felt for him.
It was a big leap for me. Backtrack last October 2009, I was surprised with the transitions that took over in my life. At first, I doubted this very wonderful blessing that God bestowed me, I was born a pessimist anyway. I assumed it wouldn’t last long, that it’s merely a temporary relationship. I don’t want to get used to it, I don’t want myself drown in so much pain once it’s gone. You can’t really blame me for thinking this way, I’ve gone tons of rejections and heartache. I had stumbled countless times before. And I don’t want to suffer from the same agony again.
Moving forward… I would admit, I was wrong this time, and I’m extremely grateful about it. :”)
For the past two years (almost), I have experienced happiness like never before, and even I can tell that this is an understatement. Sometimes, I think about how happy I am and I end up with a headache. I cannot, in any way, comprehend. And that, I believe is the beauty of happiness. Its mystery makes you crave for it even more. The more you crave for it, the more you feel it. Like fireworks in your chest. Not the gory one, kind of like the kid in Katy Perry’s music video. You can never put happiness into words, or thoughts for that matter—this is something that I am going to tell my grand kids, that is for sure.
I did not expect this coming. Though I’ve always wanted it… It’s just I never, for my whole entire life, knew that this feeling existed. It is so strong, full of love and even beyond that (again, this is an understatement). I have never opened up to someone and allow that person to know me backwards and forward. I did those so easily not because I hand out trust like a piece of paper, but merely because it was just… so easy, so effortless and more importantly, JUST RIGHT.
So this is the thing they call love, eh? :)) :”>
When I’m with him, everything seems to be better. I wouldn’t say we had this kind of love in an easy way. We experienced our downhill, of course… but we held tighter to the fact that we can’t really live without each other, and that kept our love surviving. No matter how irrational I get and how annoying I can be, he never gave up on me.
Proving the very cliché line that goes, “You’re the best I ever had”. Indeed, he really is. :)
It is FOREVER that I found. :”)
I’m serving up this entry not to brag about how happy I am with my relationship right now. Rather, I wanted to inspire those hearts that have been broken too many times… believe me, as stated from above, I was once like you. Don’t be hard on yourselves. If there’s one thing that I had learned from my past experiences, it’s that your past doesn’t have to be your present nor your future… this apply generally, not just on the love perspective. You don’t have to be afraid on taking a leap. God won’t let you experience something for no reason at all. If you’ve been down for a while, take all the lessons you have learned on your way up. If you’ve been love-wrecked over and over again, reverse all the burdens into happiness and love purely, give out love until you can. Sooner or later, or might take longer… regardless of when he/she will come, I guarantee you, you’ll be love in return the way you always wanted to be . And I’m pretty sure your love story will be beyond amazing. :)
GOODNIGHT! ~
